Hubris

My mum called today (my today, everyone else's last night) and hurried through the normal chit-chat and said, "I have something... disturbing to tell you."  

I  know that if it had been serious like... You're brother was in a skateboarding accident and is now a paraplegic... she would've started right off with that, so I knew that it didn't involve death or injury.

Apparently my cousin and her husband are splitting up.  In a society where the statistics of marriage are against you and divorce and separation have become the easy relationship solution to every problem that arises, this might not sound surprising.   But... they were one of those couples where, if they couldn't make it, how are others supposed to?  I guess they dated for about six years and got married about two years ago... so together for eight years.  One of the funniest, most laid back, most hardworking couples I've had the pleasure of knowing.

What happened?  He cheated.  I don't know why and I doubt I'll even hear much talk about it, but my cousin Andrea is a hottie with personality and brains to boot.  Steve wasn't a bad dood either; a handsome sailor, educated, ambitious, driven and insanely genuine and respectable.  C'mon, I've know this guy since I was 15!

I am a firm believer that cheating is not the end-all-be-all of all relationships.  It's thinking that's difficult to put into words and I've never experienced a cheating significant other (so I am bias), but sometimes it's worth it to work it out.  I'm not suggesting that cheating is ok, fine and dandy, but it doesn't necessarily have to end a relationship, especially one with a lot of time, emotion and money invested in it.  

I almost wish they'd work things about... but I know that no one knows their relationship better than they do and if there were other, hidden problems that might not be able to be worked out, then maybe a separation is the best thing.  I think my cousin would forgive him, but she is concerned for the future: would he do this when they had a mortgage and kids.  

Ironically, my cousin from my mum's side of the family and his wife were married earlier this year, again, after being together for over six years.  They will make it.  Even though he's a scowling, un-affectionate nerd and she's a control freak (just like his mother)... they are going to make it.  Why?  I fear that it has something to do with their insincere attitude towards each other.  More from him than from her.  They aren't lovey dovey, he rolls his eyes a lot at her, she nags him, etc., but they are perfect for each other and will probably not find someone that will tolerate with them as well as the other does.  

I hope that Andrea wasn't suffering from the "I'm wonderful and he's married to me so he will never have a straying eye" syndrome.  Relationships needs to be challenging, need to be messy, need to be cared for.  If you can't fight or face obstacles with the person you are married to, your life is going to be a miserable lie; constantly denying financial, spousal, sexual problems that can start small and become the reason for the end of a relationship.  These things must be headed off and faced, however difficult it might be, or they will become a festering wound that will not heal.

I have very little insight into Andrea and Steve's relationship but I hope that this is the best decision for her long-term because I think, overall, that Steve is not a bad guy.  It won't take him long to realize what he's sacrificed for a night of random booty here and there... I don't want her to realize that she's lost an amazing life partner.