Wesley is lame-O

I guess I don't need to write about the weekend... just read Wes' blog and you'll know all you need to about what happened... hahahaha.

Nothing terribley exciting happened at work last night. Just my usual fan club coming in and working with a fella that had worked at this WaWa previously, left, and returned. He was kinda cool. Very talkative. And friendly enough. Lot's of tattoo's.

Wes already used all the good stuff from this weekend... that jerk.

We went to Nates tonight so that Wes could help him move some furniture. And drink some brew. Always a good time at Nates.

Work tonight. Hopefully I can sleep as well tomorrow as I did today. Wesley thought I was dead cuz I slept so well. Mmmmm sleep.

Permission to be whiney.

I don't have many worries or troubles or 'situations' in my life right now.

I've got my Wesley, a place to live, a job, and friends. I do what I like to: read, drink in moderation, listen to music, surf the interwebz, smoke, eat, cook, kayak, travel, etc. I'm healthy, my family is healthy.

Yet my mind has never been more active.

I lay down to sleep (usually between 5am and 9am) and I could've been up since the morning of the day before, been out, been to work, etc., whatever... and I can not sleep. I can not turn my mind off.

I think it has something to do with the amount I've been reading lately and my work schedule and the nature of my work. If you haven't realized it already, a rock (or someone with a head as dense as one) could do my job. It has its moment when it gets semi-challenging, but I think that's mostly due to the newness of the job and not yet having been in certain situations. That being said, I don't find it a particularly mentally stimulating job. Which I knew it wouldn't be.

Lack of mentally challenging work and my intense reading lately have worked together to form this non-stop motion in my head. When I'm in bed, not sleeping, I don't think of money problems or relationship problems and other such nonsense. No, I think of the fantasy lands that authors create. It was probably Atonement that ruined me. The detail was so rich (albeit, annoying) and the characters so developed that I was there, I knew those people... At least in that weird not-awake, not-asleep phase. I'm sure that it doesn't help that I read while in bed hoping that my eyes will become too heavy to stay open for another minute and I'll pass out, conveniently in my bed. All that mental stimulation right before sleep while not having had any at work gets my mind working at the worst possible time. Ugh.

I need to get this third shift thing figured out.

I'm gonna surprise Wesley by having his bottles washed for him today. That bum gets to sleep for another three and a half hours. More if I get the house cleaned before then. Oy.

Love you sweetums :)

8:00 am late!

So, since I just got off work and am thinking about bed I am having a beer at 8 o'clock in the morning. The perks to this shift just keep piling up.

I was talking to my fellow third shift pal, Gene, last night about the best way to deal with the drunks that come in... from about 10pm until as late (or early) as 4:15am.

My BRILLIANT idea was that WaWa should make it mandatory for all third shift employee's to blow at least a 0.06 while at work. Because: what is the least painful way to deal with a drunk? To be intoxicated/drunk yourself! Being sober and dealing with drunks is no fun (as one drunk woman pointed out to me tonight, "You don't look happy. Are you happy?" To which I wanted to say, "if you had to deal with you right now, would you look happy?" But didn't.).

Gene admitted that his hoagie-making would suffer and I imagine my agility at mental math would too suffer if we were drinking and working, but I genuinely believe that that is a small price to pay for ridding ourselves of the mental anquish of dealing with these irrational people.

Also, WaWa needs to have some sort of bucket in a corner of their stores without public restrooms in order for all these punks to piss in. Yes, we have a bathroom. No, you cannot use it. Then they beg and plead, and I get some sort of sick satisfaction in saying, "I'm sorry, but you can not use our restroom. Next please!!!" in that matter-of-factly, superior kinda voice.

There appears to be a moving truck in our parking area... I suppose that that is a good sign to begin making plans to be outta here in the next week and a half. Bummer.

Note to self: get a fly swatter. Horses in your backyard lead to fly's in your house. Believe it or not. And not just regular kinds but the biting kind. No fun.

Tonight: Hawiian party at Seans
Tomorrow: Wedding and possibley concert
Sunday: Time with family. Time at Nates. Work :(

Beer is gone. Goodnight.

It's true.

Blogging is stupid.

yay!

Tomorrow, Wesley and I are going to a movie :)

Hopefully Iron Man.

Yay!

I'd like to see The Incredible Hulk and the new Chronicles of Narnia movie... Prince Caspian I believe it is? But those can wait until they come out on video I suppose. Hancock comes out next week then something the week after then The Dark Knight the following week. SWEET!!!! I love summer movies. The only thing I miss about working at the movie theater was that we got to see all the Friday releases Thursday night, at midnight. I never missed a single new release for that glorious year and half. Unfortunately, the pay and people weren't worth the free movies.

I do love movies. Almost as much as reading. *sigh of content* :)

Ironic you should say that Jeff...

Because Wes and I were on out the motorbike today to see the most beautiful pink/blue/purple sunset you can imagine.

And I thought, "I will never be able to decide which is better; the sun rising or the sun setting."

Sunset exemplifies the end of a day, whether it be a good day or a bad day. If it's a bad day, a sunset means it's over, the weight is lifted off your shoulders, tomorrow can only be better. If it's a good day, it's finished off by a contenting sight. If it's neither a good nor bad day, then just maybe that beautiful sunset will add that little something-something to nudge towards at least a productive day and the feeling of accomplishment.

But a sunrise... it gives you the feeling that nothing can wrong that day. "I have bad days even though the sunrises everyday," you say? Well, are you up to see the sunrise? With a cup of coffee in one hand? A cig in the other, perhaps? Birds chirping? No cars to be heard? Complete early morning serenity? Well then, that's why you still have bad days. Duh.

As for me, some more wine me thinks.

...

Alrighty, now that that bottle is gone (there were only two large glasses worth in it anyway) I've decided that I need a few opinions.

Which do you prefer, sunrise or sunset, and why?

I think I'm going to lean towards sunrise... because it's more exclusive :P

If for no other reason

I love third shift because I'm up to see the sunrise.

I guess it's exciting because fewer people are up to see her rise than to set.

I wouldn't have a problem getting up any other day to see it, but what then? (5am) is too early for me to start a 'normal' day.

None-the-less, I love the sunrise and I'm glad I have a reason to see it 2-5 mornings out of the week. :)

Ugh.

It's not even 1:30am. I was going to try and stay up til 5:00am. It's difficult being up alone with just the computer and TV. I like to read, but it really irritates my eyes to read at night for some reason. No one is up to talk to :(

At least the horses are practically in my living room and are stomping and snorting to keep me company.

sean: classy.

This is what Sean's kitchen looks like. Filthy.

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You always remember your first. Brew, that is.

The first brew. Tastes like iced tea!

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Wedding's are fun.

I alway's catch the bouquet. This time though, Chris caught the garter! Thought the poor kid was gonna have a heart attack when he had to touch my leg.

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This is the peak of glamour. The PEAK.

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This is one of the most beautiful sights I can think of: looking over the front of my boat at an open lake :)

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Sleep is overrated.

Being up all night is messing with my head. I'm mixing up events from the past couple days because I was up for over 36 hours straight, nearly (a couple two hour naps didn't suffice for 'sleep'). Blech. Hopefully I can a hang of this sleeping-during-the-day thing, otherwise I'm going to be zombie-esque for the rest of the summer and wonder what event actually took place or if I imagined them. bahahahahahahahahaha.

P.S.

My "posted" time is off by 3 hours... does anyone know how to fix that?

Bacon, egg and cheese Combo's are disgusting

Buuuuuuut someone left them next to my computer last night and I'm eating them now. Thanks someone.

I finished Atonement (and fixed the spelling in my list of books from "Atomement"). I'm still undecided as to whether or not I actually enjoyed the book. I think the idea of it is brilliant but, as I've already stated, it was just so slow with detail. There would literally be page after page of just detail. I've heard (but haven't struck up the nerve to actually check for myself) that The Old Man and the Sea is the epitome of written detail. I could be mistaken in saying that but I'm pretty sure that's correct. Anywho, after having read Atonement and knowing why it's written the way it is, it's difficult to imagine it being written any other way. I still haven't made a decision on this book. I'm glad I read it, but actually reading it was a pain in the ass. I think the movie made an excellent representation of the book. Had it not, I would've left the remaining third of the book unread. Maybe I just dislike Briony's cowardly character to the nth degree.

Upon finishing one book, it is only appropriate that I start another. I have a rather small collection of books so I'm back to re-reading old goodies. I've been meaning to re-visit The Chronicles of Narnia, so that's what I choose to delve into next. I have a huge paperback version of it that contains all the books of the Chronicles in the order that Mr. Lewis wanted them read in (the 'first' book was written last, etc.). While it is very elementary reading, it's still highly enjoyable. Oh, and all the fluff about religion surrounded the stories... I just toss that out the window and take the books literally. I've only opened it a couple of times for short readings, but I'm glad I choose these books to read.

When we move back to Sellersville, I'd love to get a library card. I was going to get one a couple weeks ago, but then I found out we were moving so going through the hassle of getting a card here and then getting another one in a month or two didn't sound worth it. At least I have The Chronicles... to entertain me until then.

Thank you someone else for the bag of Fritos you left lying around in my house. Fritos are better than those weird Combos.

Ah yes, I've discovered that third shift is a hoot. Well... until about 5:30a when the grumpy non-morning people start coming in. I spent a good two and half, three, three and half hours (I can't remember) putting away an enormous cigarette delivery. James (douche fag) didn't order enough cigs last time, so had to order double this time. It really wasn't that bad, it gave me something to keep busy with for a good while, I just like having another reason to dislike him. Gene and KT were my store mates, and who could ask for better doods to spend the late hours of the night and wee hours of the morning with?! Gene is a big fella with long hair, a dislike for church goers and always has something to say. He just talks and talks and talks... But in a good way. An entertaining way. And I know that if any drunken or trippin' idiot were to come into the store and start trouble, Gene would knock his block off. KT is just a nice kid. Kinda quiet, but he's always willing to help when I have questions and I don't think he's the kind to get upset very quickly. We had a few bogus customers, but nothing that I would consider extremely out-of-the-ordinary for that time frame. (There was a point in the night where a drunken guy used the line, "you gonna eat those mash potatoes by yourself?" to pick up a chick that liked his shirt. She said, apologetically, that her b/f was in the car. Don't know if that was true. Anywho, she took his number. Aw, a love connection between two attractive, wasted adults was made at my register at 1:30 this morning. Magical.)

The drive home was strange though. There have been a few times where I've driven home from someplace shortly after sunrise with the intention of sleeping, but there's something... different. Seeing the sun rise, knowing it's going to be a beautiful day, seeing everyone else going to work when I'm coming from work... it puts me in a mindset. I don't want to waste this day sleeping. I know that I can function on very, very little sleep, but for the sake of my sanity it would not be good to return to that. I was up at 2pm yesterday, got out of work at 7:15am today, and have only been able to doze for a couple hours. I'm gonna try and do a few productive things after finishing this blog, then heading back to bed. Maybe with my book.

I'd like to take the boat out tonight... but my arms and neck are sore and I'm outta gas. *sigh*

I need to drink some water. My eyes feel sticky from all the coffee I had at work.

I'm returning The God Delusion tonight. It's sad to part with such a delightful book :(

Like I said.

I do love good food, good friends, good brew, and a full pack of cigarettes. There is nothing better.

Truely. These nights are some of the single pleasures of life. Indeed. :)

oy....

This is probably going to be a long blog... because I'm practicing staying up late and there's a lot to ramble about... hehehehehe

To finish up the last couple blogs: have a job, working full-time, moving back to Wes' parents house. ouch. But, that's not of any interest.

WaWa is an ok place to work. Depends on who you're working with, as with almost any job I suppose. When there is someone on register with me, it's more fun. When I'm standing up there by myself and everyone else is in the deli talking and laughing, it's a bit sad. Especially when you get a grumpy customer and need to break up the party in the deli for help. Also, there's this douche fag manager that hates women. Or something. No wonder he's 28 and not married (oh, but he has a 'gorgeous,' 'Italian' girlfriend that every guy that see's them together get's jealous about... poor girl). Anywho, tonight was fun cuz he wasn't there and it got kinda slower towards the end of shift so we all got to dick around for a bit.

blah blah blah. I had better ideas for topics to write about... but conveniently forgot them when I started writing.

Ah, I would like to point out that I think going out and having drinks, cigs, and loud conversation is one of my all time favorite past-times. I think I would do it every night if I could. That (along with kayaking of course) is one of my favorite activities. It's a lame one, I know. But there's just something so... laid-back, care-free, almost glamorous about it. I can't wait til everyone (Kyle, Sean, Lynette) turns 21 and we can go out in big groups and have loud conversation over beers and packs of cigarettes. Such delight. I guess because it's indulgence. I do love indulging :) how rockstar of me!

I also love reading. I want to read everything, but it seems that I never have a starting place. I feel bad for reading a 'bad' book because I could've spent that time reading a 'good' book... all relative of course. There are so many books. So much to read. Maybe it's overwhelming. I dunno. Maybe those are just excuses. *Shrugs*

My recent literary adventure, Atonement, is kind of... a drudge. If that's even a word. I think it to be like sludge. Slow going and kinda messy. Some parts of it are wonderful, but getting to those points can be painful. Maybe I'm just being superficial. I enjoy events that are told from the POV of various character's involved, but I often forget whose POV I'm reading and what's happened/happening. I do enjoy detail because it allows me to build a picture in my mind of how it should look... but this author gives so much friggin' detail. I don't want to see what's in his mind, blade of grass for blade of grass. I want detail with the freedom to fill in my own gaps. Adapt it as my own. I got bored with the book half-way through and decided to more-or-less bail out by renting and watching the movie. I will say though, it looks exactly how I thought it would. It's uncanny. I think that's the problem when the author gives that much detail. I don't want my vision to look like the directors. It's lame and makes me feel unoriginal.

Either way, the movie might ultimately inspire me to finish the book. ugh. The drudge calls me.

Oy... battery life is low... need to plug her in. Maybe it's bed time after all.

Oh yay

I love warm nights (NOT hot days), with a drink, a band, and a cig.

Delish.

Food on the table doesn't hurt either.

Great conversation makes the evening though.

Compassion, interesting, challenging conversation.

Gread stuff :)

Status:

Step One: COMPLETE!!!!
Got me my jerb :)
Not only that, it pays superbly well.
Not only that, I start next week.
Not only that, I get all the free coffee I can drink in 8 hours.
Things are going to work themselves out :)

Step Two: PENDING
As soon as I start getting paychecks (hopefully the first one will be in hand on June 20th), I can begin saving money in preparation for step three.

Step Three: PENDING
Still doing the apartment search thing.
It does stink, but now that I have an income (especially a higher one than I had anticipated) it makes it seems less like an un-reachable goal, and more probable. Wesley is taking steps to help out too (you don't really need two toys do ya babe?) which is comforting.

Overall, it could be worse. That, life, is not a challenge... it's a realization :)

Ahh

This is why I read books. Other peoples' problems are more interesting than mine!

I'm a mess...

But I think I'm feeling better.

It's been a roller coaster couple of weeks, but are there any other kind :)

This morning/afternoon was the worst. I felt helpless, hopeless, defeated. I don't have a job, I'm getting kicked out of my first home, I don't have enough money to move, and I got shafted in regards to financial aid. Not only can't I afford rent right now, but I'm down $4000 of free money that I normally get for school. I am aware of the value of money and have spent my fair share stressing about not having enough, but this is by far the worst I've experienced. I know it won't be the last nor the worst I experience in my lifetime.

As I was nearing hysteria (sorry babe) I stopped looking at the big picture: no job, no money, need to move. Instead, I broke it down into bite sized chunks: Still have 30 days to move, not a lot of time, but enough; I'm not completely broke yet, I've still got enough; I have applied to jobs, there are more I can look into, and I'm not a complete idiot so something will come along. That makes everything less overwhelming, but still quite concerning.
So, I put them in order of importance: Job, money, apartment.

*sigh* that's do-able.

I called the WaWa, and arranged an interview.
I've found a couple of apartment posibilities, some of which I've begun to investigate, some of which I need to look into further.
1) Get a job
2) Make enough to add to my current kitty to be able to move out
3) Find an appropriate place to call home for the next year.

*sigh* sounds like a good plan.

Perhaps what the most calming factor of all though was that I know I'm not in this alone. If I completely botch this up and fail and cannot support myself, I know that there will be people to help me.

Wes, my sweetums, will help me through anything :)
Andrea, Zach, Lynette, Julio, Dan, and Julian are my emotional support and go-to people when I need help, advice, or reassurence.

If worse comes to worse, I know that I have a place to live with Zach and his mum.
The people I go to school with are second only to Wesley (well, and my mum I guess: the voice of reason). If I'm being crazy-ecstatic-psycho, and Zach/Lynette/Dan tells me to chill, I know I'm over reacting. Normally, I'm pretty level headed and am available for other's... but sometimes I need someone too. And just knowing that I have people that will help me out at the drop of the hat makes me feel more at ease. Even if I don't call/text them and spill my guts, the knowledge is comforting.

I have an interview tomorrow, assuming I get the job, I'll have three weeks to hopefully save enough to be able to fork out ~$1,500-$1,800 for a new place... and be set and good. Even if it doesn't happen exactly that way, it'll work out. Something will work out. I won't be left alone :)