I'm a mess...

But I think I'm feeling better.

It's been a roller coaster couple of weeks, but are there any other kind :)

This morning/afternoon was the worst. I felt helpless, hopeless, defeated. I don't have a job, I'm getting kicked out of my first home, I don't have enough money to move, and I got shafted in regards to financial aid. Not only can't I afford rent right now, but I'm down $4000 of free money that I normally get for school. I am aware of the value of money and have spent my fair share stressing about not having enough, but this is by far the worst I've experienced. I know it won't be the last nor the worst I experience in my lifetime.

As I was nearing hysteria (sorry babe) I stopped looking at the big picture: no job, no money, need to move. Instead, I broke it down into bite sized chunks: Still have 30 days to move, not a lot of time, but enough; I'm not completely broke yet, I've still got enough; I have applied to jobs, there are more I can look into, and I'm not a complete idiot so something will come along. That makes everything less overwhelming, but still quite concerning.
So, I put them in order of importance: Job, money, apartment.

*sigh* that's do-able.

I called the WaWa, and arranged an interview.
I've found a couple of apartment posibilities, some of which I've begun to investigate, some of which I need to look into further.
1) Get a job
2) Make enough to add to my current kitty to be able to move out
3) Find an appropriate place to call home for the next year.

*sigh* sounds like a good plan.

Perhaps what the most calming factor of all though was that I know I'm not in this alone. If I completely botch this up and fail and cannot support myself, I know that there will be people to help me.

Wes, my sweetums, will help me through anything :)
Andrea, Zach, Lynette, Julio, Dan, and Julian are my emotional support and go-to people when I need help, advice, or reassurence.

If worse comes to worse, I know that I have a place to live with Zach and his mum.
The people I go to school with are second only to Wesley (well, and my mum I guess: the voice of reason). If I'm being crazy-ecstatic-psycho, and Zach/Lynette/Dan tells me to chill, I know I'm over reacting. Normally, I'm pretty level headed and am available for other's... but sometimes I need someone too. And just knowing that I have people that will help me out at the drop of the hat makes me feel more at ease. Even if I don't call/text them and spill my guts, the knowledge is comforting.

I have an interview tomorrow, assuming I get the job, I'll have three weeks to hopefully save enough to be able to fork out ~$1,500-$1,800 for a new place... and be set and good. Even if it doesn't happen exactly that way, it'll work out. Something will work out. I won't be left alone :)