My senior year of high school I was that way. I'm 21, female, and 135lbs right now. Three years ago I weighed around 120lbs. Sickly, disgustingly thin for my height and 'bone structure.' I had no boobs, no ass, and the sternum bone, sickly hip-bone thing going on. But the strange part about it? I got so much attention from guys it was ridiculous.
I've always gotten attention from guys because I have boobs (a curse, more than anything) but when I was that thin, the compliments and stares never stopped. This was even before I had tattoo's and peircings and felt comfortable being me in my own skin.
So often I want to return to my tiny, almost skeletal size... but fucking food is my future. I am obsessed with food to the point that I had to major in it! People with eating disorders don't hate food... they love with an intense passion!! It's and odd concept to grasp for anyone that hasn't had any sort of eating disorder... but bulimia and anorexia aren't because the people hate food, it's because they are obsessed with it, and their personalities; the ability to control at least one, if not every, aspect of their lives.
To control what you put into your body, is to control your life. It's sick and twisted and it drives me crazy, but it's how we (people with or that have had eating disorders) think. "If you can control this one aspect of your life, you have control over everything."
I wish I could be that thin without all the starvation and running and needing complimented.
I don't think anyone ever fully recovers from their eating disorders. I have such a warped and twisted image of myself that I feel that I need to cover myself in tattoo's and piercings to hide the 'fat' and 'flub' that I have. If I'm covered in beautiful art, then no one will notice that I'm overwieght. Or, according to this site, that I'm exactly the weight I should be.
Sensicle 'stuff' doesn't matter. Only thinness and reaching the 'ideal woman's body' in today's society.
3 comments:
Hunny, you're a hot tamale. Don't worry so much. Your mind and body are both very beautiful
I think the same way, but no one really understands unless they have been there.
For years I was anorexic. It never does go away. As soon as I start to gain a pound or two I immediatly become obsessed with counting calories and exercising to keep my ideal size. For days I won't eat at all. I can convince myself that I am not hungry.
It never goes away.
I feel as though I can only be loved if I am thin. It is a horrible way to think.
It's exhausting dealing with those demons... that's for sure...
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