Lexus Sucks

Every time I start I post, I fail to finish it. I'm gonna try my best to finish this one though.

Whenever I see one of my regular characters coming into the store, I have the urge to label them.

For instance: there is a kindly but witty fella that comes in around 4:30 or so, everyday, and buys some sort of tasteykake and two packs of Salem Ultra Light 100's. Therefore, he is Salem-Ultra-Light-100-Guy. His uniform says his name is Bob, but that's far less interesting and far more general.

There's: Italian-Hoagie-at-One-in-the-Morning-Guy. He calls the WaWa from his job, asks Gene to get his hoagie ready (PLU 1. Always.) and comes and picks it up on his way home.

Confused-Rotten-Tooth-Guy who travels with Soggy-Brown-Paper-Bag-Guy. Confused-Rotten-Tooth-Guy (CRTG) has some of the gnarliest teeth I've had the pleasure of seeing. Yellow, brown, crowned, and some rotted to the point that they're not really teeth, but long, thin spikes protruding from his gums. He and SBPBG always pay separately, but always buy each other things and owe each other money (thus the "confused" part), and hold up my line while they figure out what's going on. Then SBPBG asks for a plastic bag to put his soggy brown paper bags into.

Let's see... There's Hyper-Little-Asian-Guy. He always comes in at 2am or 3am and just talks and talks and talks, but never says anything. He likes to tell me what his favorite soup from the previous week was.

There's:
+I'm-Buying-This-This-and-This-Guy. He sets everything on the counter then proceeds to tell me exactly what is there for me to ring up.
+White-Trash-Guy. Scruffy, tall, disgustingly thin, broken glasses, dirty trucker hat, and some sort of Budweiser or Coors shirt that is also filthy.
+Sixteen-Ounce-Coffee-and-Cinnamon-Twist-Guy. Self explanatory.
+The-Nice-Couple. Older man and woman, come in around 4am, get a newspaper, two 20oz coffees and two 16oz coffees (which she prepares while he reads the headlines) and the total always comes to $6.27.
+Why-aren't-You-Smiling-Guy. If I look even remotely unhappy, he asks me why I'm not smiling. He has a crush on me.
+Officer-that-Loves-the-Name-Emily. He tells me so every day.

But then, you have the people that need only one, common nickname to describe them perfectly. First is Lurch. He's six and a half feet tall, huge round belly, always has white scum around his mouth, and talks exactly like Lurch from the Adams Family. Very... slooooowly... and... very... dumbly... Gene has told me that his guy actually used to be normal, and an ass-hole, particularly to the handicapped, but one day had a stroke... and became Lurch. Yooooouuuu Rang????

And last, but not least, is Bear. I have no idea what this guys back story is, but he is quite possibly one of the filthiest people I've met at WaWa. He's older and there is definitely something wrong with him mentally. He always wears T-shirts with the sleeves cut-off and down the front of them is an enormous, slimy, vomit-inducing collection of snot and spit. His head is always down and he never looks at the person he's 'talking' to. Sometimes he's not talking to anyone at all, just mumbling and laughing. He came in last night, made a coffee, and walked out. I had no desire to go after him for the $1.33. Gene didn't either.

There are more characters, of course, but to name them all would take a fair amount of time and reading them all would just become tedious. I adore most of my regulars, but there are the jerks, ass-holes, grumps, miserable, uninterested, type that treat me like shit because I'm working a register at WaWa. The kind that respond to a, "Hi! How are you this morning!?" with the classic, "Gimme two packs of Marlboro's and matches." One of these days I'm gonna snap and yell, "CAN'T YOU EVEN SAY 'GOOD, THANKS' BEFORE YOU DEMAND YOUR GODDAMN CIGARETTES!?!?!?" to every single one of them.

The kids that think they're clever in using a friends I.D. to buy cigs are a pleasure too.
And the people that look at me as if I just snatched their new-born child when I say, "No, you can not use the restroom." They go ask Gene to undermine me, Gene says, "Did she say no? Then no." They're a hoot as well.

I think I just enjoy observing people and placing them into categories based upon the most superficial of characteristics. I'm a convenience store cashier. I could be there just to make an easy buck to buy my next fix for all they know. Yet, most of the people are very kindly towards me and I take that to heart. I will say though, that perhaps the most ill-mannered group are the guys that work at Thompson Lexus. You guys are fucking pricks and snobs, treating us like we're the dirt under your loafers. I hope you all get blown up at work today.